


While the Chancellor's Away...

by subtropicalStenella



Series: 5 for 500 [13]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: And other bits, And vagoos, F/F, F/M, Fox puts up with so much weird shit y'all, Lots of alien dicks, M/M, Multi, Porn, Q & A, Research, Xenobiology, Xenophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-06 02:52:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12808044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subtropicalStenella/pseuds/subtropicalStenella
Summary: The Fox will deal with y'all dumb brotherfuckers wanting to stick your dicks in EVERY-FUCKING-THING and not doing your own damn research.5/500 prompt: The Clone Wars: Commander Fox spends a relaxing shift curating xeno porn from the absent Chancellor’s desk. When the cat’s away...





	While the Chancellor's Away...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [countessofbiscuit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/countessofbiscuit/gifts).



So what did you do today Fox? Well Fellow Soldier, while you were off saving that Rylothan village and that Sullustan factory and those Rodian farmers and fuck knows who else in the Galaxy from Separatists, I was breaking into Chancellor Palpatine's office. Like I do twice a cycle.

Why do you break into Chancellor Palpatine's office twice a cycle, Fox? Because his computer is the only one I can access with simultaneously the least firewalls and most comprehensive virus protection software, so I can search for, acquire and distribute the insane volume of Fucking Weird Pornographic Shit you animals demand of me on a regular basis. 

 

Do you have any idea the Q&A shit I put up with for you?  _ Do you _ ? 

 

CC-1010: _ 4 the last time fucknut zabs dont have fuckin teeth or horns or whatever “””down there””” _

CC-1010: _ its a knot on the dick  & a band of constrictive tissue n the vag _

CC-1010: _ no u wont get stuck because U DONT HAVE A FUCKIN KNOT _

CC-1010: _ thats y u cant get ur zab partner off: u dont have the right equipment buy a fuckin toy fuckssakes its like 200c on the net for either 1 _

CC-1010: _the thing w the split tongues is tru tho thats real_

 

And 

 

CC-1010: _ btw special thx 2 the asshole that figured out ms month 3 was shaak ti _

CC-1010: _ good 4 her doin the undercover stint n that sex trafficking ring  _

CC-1010: _ & yeah she should b damn proud of her work shes fine as hell _

CC-1010 _ : but “btw found ur porn” is not a conversation u want 2 have w some1 u look up 2 _

CC-1010: _ even if 'hot mom’ is a helluva fetish w yall i mean damn. _

CC-1010: _ shes cool w it tho _

CC-1010: _ ur fuckin welcum _

 

And 

 

CC-1010: _ human girls are not going 2b as impressed w ur dick as twi girls _

CC-1010: _ this DOES NOT mean twi girls r “ez mode” u speciest shithead u still need 2 learn 2 oral ffs _

 

And

 

CC-1010: _ nautolan dick will get u high as fuck do not operate heavy machinery after fuckin gen fisto  _

CC-1010:  _ YES CC MONNK I KNOW ITS U WHO SENT THAT  _

CC-1010: _ YES THAT ALSO MEANS BJ _ s

 

And

 

CC-1010: _ Kel Dor have a not-a-vag  & four (4) tentacle-dicks do not attempt 2 ride any of them under any circumstances they will never find ur body bc wolffe will murder the shit out of u _

 

And 

 

CC-1010: _ look i do my best not 2 judge, rly i do but i gotta draw the line somewhere  & srsly wtf  _

CC-1010: _ the answer is NO just fuckin NO u cannot fuck a kaminoan y the shit _

CC-1010: _ whole fuckin species is basically ace anyway  _

CC-1010: _ do all repro w tubes  & gene fuckery  _

CC-1010: _ even if u did find 1 that wanted to do the do y the shit would they want 2 do it w u _

CC-1010: _ we r short brown HAIRY  & we got weird bitty eyes sry bro not happening _

 

Seriously. And don't even get me started on the ethics of clonefucking. Is it just really complicated masturbation? Is it automatically better because who would know better how to fuck you than you? Is it weirdly self-absorbed? Fuck if I know, as long as everyone consents  _ who gives a shit _ . STOP ASKING.

And now I have a moral fucking dilemma, because y’know who’s into some  _ really _ weird shit?  _ Ol’ Sheevy P. _

 

Yeah. See, last time I was in here there was this massive file being decrypted. Old as shit, like, Old Republic Era, and corrupted as hell. “Ex©e®P7S fr0m the w®171πGS of d@®74 1mPe®10uS 0π ©L@π 07S0@” whatever the shit that is. It was done when I got in today, and shoved into a buried file of Historical Documents.

But like, the kind of nested-folder buried you do when you  _ really  _ don't want someone to see something. 

 

So obviously I opened it.

 

Most of it is like, sixteen kilos of family tree, like, the kind of pedigree you see on someone's prized show nexu, of High Lady  _ Otsoa _ , or 07S0@, I guess, matriarch of her extinct clan on some dead planet. Pretty boring shit, right? 

 

Aaand then there's the picture.

 

See, when someone says 'matriarch’, no one expects two and a half meters of cherry-red,  _ cut _ gladiator muscle and cleavage you could lose a kitten in with gold-plated canine fangs and talons that would make a krayt flinch but there she is, on a throne of gold and bones.

Oh and her two boyfriends. Two of three, if I'm reading the data right. They're standing at her right and left hands, she's reaching up to spread her hands--and talons--over the ridged, ripply bits on the center of their chests. One is the textbook definition of  _ decadence,  _ projecting 'I’m sexy and I know it’ at the camera over three thousand years through metallic gold bedroom eyes. The other looks a little younger, a little rougher around the edges, with gold bands around the tentacle-y bits that make up his beard and moustache, and he's not looking at the camera, instead throwing off the portrait’s symmetry to stare at the High Lady like she's hung every star in the sky just for him. 

 

Did I mention they're pretty much naked but for some strategically draped white silk and an absolute shitwhack of gold, garnet and ivory jewelry? Yeah, there's that. Besides necklaces and bracelets and armbands  and anklets, High Lady has like a dozen studs scattered in her chest ridges and the ones on her cheekbones, Decadence has his nipples and lower lip done, and Starstruck’s fuckin  _ prosthetic legs  _ are gold. Everything about these  _ Purebloods  _ oozes luxury. 

 

Like, literally. There's another picture. 

 

See, apparently High Lady has so many boyfriends because she likes being in a big ol’ pile of them. I know my porn positioning, alright? And in the second picture, even though you can't actually see what's going on, she's pretty obviously got both their dicks jammed up whatever fun bits she has at once, Decadence in front and Starstruck behind.

And Decadence--who also has his tongue done, by the way--is licking the ridges on her chest, his eyes half-closed but still looking at the camera like “this could be you”. Starstruck is kissing more ridges-and-studs on the back of her neck with the clearest expression of blissed out “how the fuck is this even my life” I have ever seen on anyone and that's including the shots of Echo in that tag-team with Fives and Rex during Commander Tano’s last heat.

 

No you don't get to see those, that's in my private collection because that was a  _ present. _ I'm allowed to have nice things too, dammit. 

 

Right, right, the whole oozes-luxury thing. Both guys have the same thick metallic gold dripping down their chins as is smeared across the insides of everyone's hips and thighs because apparently what these fuckers needed was  _ more gold  _ so it's in their cum or slick or whatever. Good and messy. A++ Aesthetic ™

And now I'm sitting here with my dick out wondering if I should distribute this because  _ hot damn _ , I don't even do xeno but this is  _ good shit, _ but on the other hand it's really distinctive and there's only a few ways a Chancellor's Super Secret Vintage Porn Stash can get out on the open holonet and I really don't want to have to find a new computer to do my downloads. 

 

… definitely going to copy it over onto my collection though.

**Author's Note:**

> Ft: Sith Pureblood SWTOR OCs
> 
> Kyraza "High Lady" Otsoa (mine)  
> Sericus "Decadence" Kallig-Otsoa (cellarspider)  
> Shezarr "Starstruck" Otsoa (mazarinedrake)


End file.
